The night I tried to convince a stranger to swap shirts,
Saying his beard would look fly with my sequins
My heart took three steps backwards.
Your hands became rope that I tied myself up in
I never asked for this much
But I took it anyway-
I have a greedy heart.
It carries around dollars in four different currencies
No longer am I a fish holding silver between my teeth
These coins stick into my spine
And these problems tax more than I can afford to give.
I have forgotten how to be generous with my words
But when you
asked me for a poem,
I peeled back
the skin over my heart
Showed you
the twenty-four bones of my rib cage
And the words
strung between them.
Breathing in two silent halves of a pair-
You saw only the inconsistencies I carry within me.
This morning, I pulled down the bridge between them
With more hands than a street full of beggars
More fingernails to break off at the altar of
I don’t know what I believe anymore
(But I think it’s closer to heaven
Than anything I’ve ever seen before).
So please, don’t make me love you
Because these lungs hold too many contradictions
And my heart is as crooked as my fingers
It can’t hold onto anything
And I’ve broken too many bones
To be anything more than a five dollar bookshelf
Heart beating words so loudly
You can smell it from the street.
