A lot like nothing you've ever seen before

They cut down a tree outside my front door/window (it's all made of glass). Neglected to warn me. Or Sebastian. What. A. Fright.
He wouldn't leave my room for about four hours, he was that scared.
Chicken.

You're supposed to take a photo of each of the things on the list. Like a photo diary, or something like it.

1. A girl.
This girl, Emma, is one of my best friends. We did this road trip to the mountains with copious amounts of fur and the intention to take photos and op-shop until we died. We didn't die. We did, however, go onto an old mans property to take photos outside a house that looked like it should have keeled over many, many years ago. That's a leather hat and a vintage wedding dress. I adore her.

2. My CD collection.
As you can see, it's quite a collection. (Side note, I like post-its and colour coding. Just for future reference). I do listen to more music than this. I promise.

3. A friend.
This here is Lord Sebastian Felix Charles Montgomery Flyte. He is my friend. That lizard was his friend. Until Seb ate his tail. Kind of a friendship-killer, don't you think?
I put the lizard outside and restrained Seb until he got away safe. Friends don't let friends eat lizards.

4. Something funny.
I'm telling you now, and I'll tell you again and again, this here is the funniest book I have ever read. It's one of those books that if you're one to frown upon laughing in public places at what seems to be nothing to those around you (which I am not), you should only read this at home. Because you will burst into laughter, and people may not understand why. But you will. And that's the important thing. Most of the time.

5. Something that makes me happy.
Yes, more books. Old books in particular. I collect them. It's kind of an obsession. The large majority of these are 19th century editions (Don't be decieved now, my dears. The 19th Century is the 1800's). Actually, only three here are 20th century, the youngest being 1946, I believe.
You know when you've had a bad day and theres that one thing that always makes you feel better?
Mines coffee and looking over my books.

6. The next meal I eat.
Will be something out of this mug. Because Star Wars makes everything taste better. (And I think there's a high population of tin soup around these parts).

7. A self-portrait.
why, yes, that is a lamp-shade.

8. My favorite pair of shoes.
I couldn't decide. I don't really have many shoes. But I do love the snakeskin ones. They have a brilliant story behind them.

9. My wheels.
Since Betty (My trusty, yet oh-so-old Hyundai Excel which you had to wind down the windows to get out of) died, I've walked everywhere. Or caught buses. But I don't own the buses. In hindsight I could have made it out like I did, or at least took a photo of my bus-ticket, but this seemed like the better idea at the time (Still does, actually). Usually these feet have shoes on them when they travel me places.

10. The view form my window.
Because I ony have three official windows, and they don't actually have a great view, this is from my front glass sliding door. Heckers, isn't it?

And there you go, no more soup.
I liked it so much I'm resolving to do occasional ones on different things. When my brain starts working again.

Cheerios, why don't you try them?

Can you feel it in the air?

Okay, there comes a time, every year, when the weather begins to change. Winter's a'coming, and you can feel it. Usually I wouldn't mind, because I have a reasonable amount of common sense and know that when it's cold outside, you shut the doors.
So why is it that when it gets to 3 degrees outside in the evenings that I decide to stay at my parents (considering food is free and I spent all my money on an 1852 illustrated edition of Milton's poetical works). And it is there, in that big ol' sensible house that they decide the greatest idea on the planet is to open the doors.
'It's for circulation, Crystal. If you don't like the cold, go put some more clothes on!'
I wondered if they noticed that I had so many items of clothes on my person that I could barely move.
'I have got clothes on, fatty!' (I didn't actually say this, because that would be rude. But I was wearing clothes)
'Ahhh, toughen up!'
No. I don't want to toughen up. I want to be warm, in a house where you don't breathe steam like dragons. (Though I'm not completely opposed to the dragon part. Not opposed at all, actually. But dragons have fire in their bellies. I do not. That is where we differ)
So I close the doors, slipping on the floors because my feet have lost all control. It's like wearing pillows on your feet, I tell you.
But watch out! Look away for a second and the doors are open again.
Gahh!


Short interlude, history of Surgery is on ABC2 tonight! My evening just got that much better.


So now I am sitting on the couch, in layers of socks, and jumpers and all sorts of warming gear that is way too big for me, wearing the beanie that I swore I'd wean myself off of. (I'll tell you about this later. Beanie=My latest and greatest love), with a computer on my lap that fortunately acts as a personal heater, and Lord Sebastian by my side. And, wait for it... All the doors and windows closed!

Ahh, victory.

And I'm going to have the greatest bath known to the whole existance of the universe, and it shall be tremendous.

So adeiu, and go make some love or something like it.

My Pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard...

And they're like, 'you wanna trade cards?'
'Dang right, I wanna trade cards'
'I'll trade this, but not my Charizard'.

So, I've kind of spent a whole evening looking at Kelis's milkshake variations. Seriously though, they are hilarious. And to compensate for a heavy week, I'll leave you with a bunch of fun things. And Charmander, who I like better than Charizard, (but that isn't to say Charizard isn't way cool).

My snitzel brings all the Germans to the yard, and they're like, guten tag!


My baguette brings all the French to the yard and they're like, oooh la la!

My burger brings all the Yanks to the yard and they're like, tubs of lard.

Stalin brings all the Russians to the yard and they're like, let's kill the Tsar.
 
My ring brings all the Orcs to the yard, and they're like, 'Take him to Isengard'
 
My one ring brings Gandalf to the yard, and he's like, 'You shall not pass!'
 
Voldemort brings the Death Eaters to the yard, and they're like, 'Avada Kedavra!'
 
My Magic brings Voldemort to the yard, and I'm like, 'That's hurting my scar'.
 
My magic brings Hermione Granger to the yard, and she's like, 'It's levi-O-SAH'
 
My rum brings all the pirates to the yard, and they're like, 'Yo yar har har!'
 
My conch brings Piggy to the yard, and he's like, 'But Ralph's in charge'.

My potatoes bring all the Irish to the yard, and they're like, 'That famine was hard'.

The Jedi's bring Jarjar Binks to the yard, and he's like, 'Meesa is a retard'.

Darth Vader brings Skywalker to the Death Star, and he's like, 'Luke, I am your Fatharr'.


 
 
Man, I could go on forever.
But I won't.
 
Be off, and make up rhymes!

Things every girl should learn to appreciate.

We all know the world is going to end soon. Do you really want the world to end without knowing the finer details about life which make it amazing?!
Didn't think so. So here I am, to educate you poor, unfortunate souls in the finer art of appreciation. That's right, in list form!

Now girls, to really get the most out of life...
1. Watch Star Wars. It is reccomended that when another person asks you to watch it, you do. And you'll like it. Even if at first it's just about Queen Armidala and Princess Leah, you will soon learn that Star Wars is so much more than that!

2. Try to have read a few books. In Cold Blood (Truman Capote), To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee) and most of the mordern classics are a good place to start. No, Twilight does not count as reading. If you look in bookstores it is actually under the teenage fantasies section. And yes, Harry Potter does count. Why? Because it has a storyline more complicated than a teenage love triangle.

3. Learn to appreciate a brilliant Chewbacca impersonation when you hear one. You'll know (because you would have watched the awesomeness that is Star Wars and would have already learned the fine tonal distinction in Chewy's cries. You would have also teared up at his exclamation as Han Solo got incased in carbonite) and when you know, you should at least give the producer of said cry a high-five, or some prize. It's a fine art, and it takes a dedicated impersonator to pull it off.

4. Watch Top Gear. Now, I don't mean to turn every girl who takes my advice into a rampant tomboy, but if you can't appreciate the solid British humour in this show (if the cars do nothing for you), then tell me this, what makes your life worth living?

5. Know the names of a few serial killers. They are great for conversation starters and to break the ice. I personally find Ted Bundy does wonders when I give people rides home.

6. Watch Lord of The Rings. If that's not the greatest epic known to Middle Earth I'll eat my hat. I mean, elves! Humour! Gandalf! Aragorn! The mines of Moria! My cousin Balin will give us a royal welcome! Malt beer! Ripe Meat off the bone! This isn't a mine, It's a tomb. Get out, we should have taken the pass of Rohin. Watch it. Please, for everyone's sake. (Also refresh on Harry Potter. It will work wonders in tight spots)

7. Appreciate Pokemon. Especially if you grew up in the 90's. This is vital for you. Know your Charmander from your Evie. Know that Water will beat Fire, Fire will beat grass and that Mewtwo is freaking amazing. Team Rocket will always blast off again and Misty and Brock are the best sort of friends. You might just cry in the first movie, but it's understandable. (It is advised not to laugh. No one laughed when George dies in Grey's, or Marissa in the OC. Keep it to yourself)

8. Try carry around condiments. This way you'll never wish you had those soy sauce fishies, or salt, pepper or ketchup, because you'll already have them! It makes everyone so much happier. Trust me.

9. Learn that there are somethings that are just inherently cool and should be appreciated. If you are with such people that appreciate these things, to not destroy your reputation, here are a few pointers...
-If there is gushing, don't change the subject.
-Try not to turn the conversation to yourself.
-Dying is an exception to the above rule.
-Please oh please don't draw parrallels to Twilight, pop singers or celebrity gossip. We only care if the bad guys are defeated.


I'll bring you more on this riveting subject another time.

Anyways, just some sage old wisdom from a wrinkly old bat,
Au Revoir, my dearies, now go mend a birds broken wing.