The things you should NEVER say to another person.

You know those times, the times that you go to say something, and up comes an inkling.
'You shouldn't say that.'

Unfortunately, most times this inkling comes at the exact time that you're saying it. And that's when it hits you. 'I shouldn't have said that.'

This happens to me. A lot. More than a lot, actually. But man, oh man it's always funny, the covering up.
'Ah. Uhm. Yes. Could you just...uh... Forget that?'
'No, actually, I think I'm going to remember that for a vrey long time. In fact, I think I'll bring it up a lot.'
Most of the time when I say these things around my friends that's the sort of reply I get.

So, to help all those unfortunate souls who talk before they think, a lesson.
The things one should never say to another person.



I'll be back in a hot jiffy.

When asking someone to try something on, 'Can you get into my pants?'

Yeah, their break-up is still quite fresh. Like, hot, steaming fresh.

While you're out, if you find a skeleton could you bring it back for me? I have a thing for bones.

I always lick my pickles. I am an experienced pickle-licker.

I take my clothes off in my sleep. I also think I sleep-walk.

You really remind me of Chewbacca. I'm not sure why, though.

I learned how to impale men on stakes last night, it was really interesting.

You know, everything would be much better if I didn't have to wear clothes.
'Crystal, you realise you would be institutionalised if you did.'
Not if I were in the Army.
'Uh, yes, also if you were in the Army.'

Look, I've read Catch-22. I'll just join the Airforce and it will be all okay.

Oh my goodness, I love heads mounted on the walls!

I've seen this one, the guy is a cannibal and he feeds the search and rescue team the girls he killed. It's one of my favorites!

It's okay, I have hands.

I think I'm an old man inside. Though, probably more of a famboyantly homosexual old man. I prey on young men. Not that they're young to me, as they are probably older than me, but to me as an old man they would be young. And I don't prey on them, but me as an old man would.

Sorry I was late, a stalking opportunity came up, and I'm not one to turn something like that down.

On second thoughts, they do make for some hilarious moments.

Why don't you try some?



EDIT;
My brother had one of his friends over on the weekend, who just so happened to be the King of saying things you shouldn't. I won't write all of them, due to the fact that some were quite... errr... offensive to some groups. But this was in the car, with both our parents and my brothers girlfriend.

'Do you want to hear a joke about a dead baby?'
Silence.

Note; It's probably never a good idea to say this. Ever. Not even just for the awkward silence it produces.