Rant.

So, here is the thing.

The thing is.

The thing is.

The thing is.

The thing is.

Anyway.
Basically, I want to go places and take photos and have friends who are happy to be my friend for no other reason then just because. I don't want ulterior motives, I want love. Love that doesn't mind that you're vulnerable, that celebrates in it, because it's opening yourself up to help, to actually having people there for you, in that part of you that is so real, so raw, so you in all its unrefined glory. Love that doesn't mean grand gestures, or the expectations of anything in particular, but honesty. And in spite of that honesty, acceptance.

I want to be someone who does things, just because they are right, not because of someone else. I want to feel my heart break and look it straight in the face and be okay with that, because feeling things isn't weakness, it's just a sign that there's parts of me yet to be healed and that I'm human. I want to be able to drink a whole cup of tea by myself, to finish a book again. I want to be courageous enough to do things. I want to feel like my heart might explode with joy, that it might break with sorrow. I want to feel loved, and validated not because of anything I do, but because of who I am.

But at the same time, i'm scared to feel these things. I'm scared because of what might happen. What life might be like if I let myself feel these things, let myself make this all real. It's a lurking fear, that it will all be taken away from me the moment it becomes a reality. All I want is the opportuinty to make it real.





I should let you know that I do have this. I have friends who I can take photos with and laugh and drink tea and watch sunsets from rooftops and sit in gardens and roll down hills with and who love without love being earned. I'm blessed. There are parts of this that still ring true though. That's the thing. This isn't just me. This is a collective groan, a cry from people who feel this, every single day. And we walk on by. Like nothing we could do could change anything.

It can.

Love isn't something you earn. Love doesn't have to be the romantic sort of love. It doesn't have to scream and shout and make grand gestures and complete you and make you whole and healed and perfect in an instant. It can be a quiet show of appreciation, letting someone know that you value their existance for no other reason but because they fill a part of the world that no one else can. You don't have to read into a show of love. Just take it as it is.

Love is going out of your way, putting aside your own wants and desires and needs to help someone else. It is giving without expecting anything in return. It is accepting people as they are, imperfections and all. It is remembering how they have their tea, their coffee, and making it for them. It is being there for someone, even though it may be inconvenient for you. It is the willingness to open your life to someone to bring them up. Love is sharing. Sharing food, clothes, socks, hot beverages, cold beverages, life stories, funny things that happened in your day, night skies, beautiful things, your heart, your soul, your insides, what your like and un-like. What they like and un-like. The beauty of everyday moments. Love never tears people down. Love is wanting the best for someone, and doing eveything you can to help them achieve that. Love doesn't think about personal gain. Love is giving.

So try it.

Bit by bit.

Step

by

step.

It's okay if you fail. Just keep trying. Because we need more love in the world.

Don't you think?