You live with my heart

So I'm sitting here alone, writing by candlelight, trying to put into words this feeling that is residing between my heart and my thoughts of you.

But I can't.

Once again, you leave me breathless. Nothing that I could say, no words that I could string together could ever compensate.

Sometimes, all I want is to convey this aching in my heart. This desperation for more that dwells within me, to grasp beyond what I know.

So I'll try different paths to express this longing, but the anguish buried in my chest just overwhelms all my senses and I am left to crawl away. 

How do I tell you how much I love you? I am left inarticulate when confronted with everything that you are.

The time of shaking hands has passed. I remember it vaguely, the touch of your skin, the warmth that you gave to my cold skin. It's like you hold life, and by touching your fingers, I felt at last what it is like to be alive. 

I see you in every place I've been. In every face I know and love. In the moments of silence between dreaming and waking. 

You told me, long ago, that you wanted each moment of mine. I was scared, so I ran. Ran from you, from your presence. From your promises. Scared that I would fail you beyond recovery, scared that I would never live up to your love, I hid. 

For days, weeks, months, I lived in the darkness, half scared and half hoping that you would find me and draw me back to you.

And you waited. And step by step, I found myself gravitating towards you once more.

You are truth, and my, oh my, how it frightens me, but the same time, attracts. Like a moth to a flame, I want to become closer, I am desperate to.

But I refrain. I relent. I pause in my motions, silent in the hope that you will speak to me. That you will see me in the doorway of your heart and call me to you. That my advance will not lead to rejection, but to you.

You are the love I will never forfeit. You anticipate my every move. You live with my heart.

And oh, how I long to know you more.