( s c h o o l c h i l d r e n ) L E S S O N S p t . 1

Because I know too much of leaving

Lessons struck across fingers

I became a slate board; you wrote on me

All the things I wish I never learned

And still, these lessons never get any easier.

I feel too much and these

Moments and places, they stick to my skin

Like a spot I can never out

Damned spot, out

If I could, I would wash you clean of me

With perfume and hair and tears

And leave you like that

But the only valuable thing I have left is my cat

And he is no longer with me.

I don’t know how to grow up

So I make paper stars

And look for god in them, hoping that

Like the night sky

He is too big for me to find

And I am too small.

I am too small.

And when I was small, I could never

Understand the ways my heart pushes people away

While loving them too greatly.

I am here to be counted

I lay my bones on the counter across from you

What can I get for this much?

You give me

Three snakes and a sherbet for my soul

I wish I could live without abandon

But the bruises on my skin teach me too much of caution

I falter

Spitting words and fumbling fragments

Of all the broken sentiments you wish you couldn’t hear

I never wanted to be a burden

The arc you shouldered whilst crossing the Jordan

The sacred box that sucks you into the earth

If you look too closely.

I am manna and whine

Fell out from the sky while you were sleeping

You ate too much and fell too quickly.

I want to be the word “sorry”

As you look to a wooden staff in the sand.

I want to be all the apologies of a million people

Instead, I am the snake

Biting into your flesh, drawing blood

Where I should have drawn poetry

And I am sorry.

Sorry.

I never know when to say it

For all the ways my heart thunders when you’re around

I am a tempest

And this terrifies you

I am a tempest and this skin is an ocean

And the smoke in my lungs is a sand storm

I’m sorry if I blinded you

If these hands that fold over yours burn too hot

If these questions I’ve become are too much for you to answer

I never meant to be the river

Of holy water that you couldn’t drink of

Without learning too much of sin.