I am trying to be honest
But the faithful in me knows too much of dishonesty
I am looking for god in the stars
And my home in the ocean.
You said that we carry around a sea within us
And to me, this makes sense
But at two-thirty each afternoon
I run as dry as the Atacama desert
And my hands
They catch alight if they brush too close to others
I am a burning bush
Barefoot and staring into the face of something I don’t
understand
And I wonder if you can sense my confusion.
Out of all the lies I’ve told
I’ve built myself a fortress
And the waves inside me keep crashing against these walls
And most days, I’m no longer sure which side my heart is on.
Honesty. Some day’s it’s just the dregs
Left in last night’s bottle of wine
Bottle up those half remembered conversations
How do I know these veins can’t hold any more
I’m hanging upside down, staring at the stars
Wondering if it’s only my perspective
And at the right angle I’ll find everything I’ve been
looking for
You told me I was all corners, and I believed you.
There is something lyrical in the movements you make
As you open and close doors
I’ve never seen fumbling so poetic
It makes me forget all the promises I’ve ever told
And it terrifies me
So I pretend I don’t see it
I am a lightening bolt
Streaking through the sky
And all this light, it blinds me.
Last night, a tiger in a dunce’s hat
Came to me and told me
And told me I needed to be honest
That I’d forgotten how to swim
I told him that there were oceans too deep to swim in
And that I never learned to sail
That I am afraid of growing up
Of growing ugly
And he told me that beauty is nothing without honesty
That I need to re-learn how to forget
I wanted to write you a glass poem.
I wanted to be a supernova.
I wanted to teach you how to eat with your hands
To hold on to everything in the same way that I do
But this terrifies you.
So I pushed myself down the stars
And pretended the bruises were an artwork
So beautiful you could hang me in the Louvre.
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